I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
