Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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