Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
