The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
