Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
he just fucked me for my cheese..
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
