Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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