I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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