the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Randomize
