Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
