Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
