I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
