Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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