Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
