Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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