the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
