Are we in a gay sports bar?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
So I just went to clothing optional bar
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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