Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
