I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
