Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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