i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
