One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
