sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
