She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
