i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
