Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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