sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Randomize
