Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize