Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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