A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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