I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
