I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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