Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
