So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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