a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
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