i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
