I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
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