she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
