its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
