Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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