let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
