I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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