After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
