Sponge bath it is.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
