Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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