Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
do nipples grow back?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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