i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
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