Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
