I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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