I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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