The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
