I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize