I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize