So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I'm gonna fight the coyote
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
