There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
