I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
P.S. I can't hear my feet
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
