Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
