It's like God shit irony all over that family
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Randomize
