idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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