Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Randomize