I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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