yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I will pee on everything he values.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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