hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
We are all done wearing pants today
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
