You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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