dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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