It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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