If that was your dad, he is hot
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
